"The most important work you'll ever do will be within the walls of this home (or gnome home, ha)." I love that saying. I have it on a canvas at our house. Now don't get me wrong. This is not about being a stay-at-home mama versus a working mama, or anything along those lines. It's a reminder that our loves, our lives, our babies, our family...are more important than any other thing we do. I like it as a reminder when I'm feeling stressed by tasks. It reminds me to focus on these moments, moments that will be gone soon, never to get back. So...I'd like to bestow upon y'all some of my experienced Mama knowledge, to maybe help you use your time more efficiently, so you can always be sure to stay focused.
So let me start by saying (and ask anyone who knows me) I am in no way a perfect mom, wife, or house keeper. Not even a little, especially these last few years. I have gotten so behind at life that I don't know what end is up some days. But isn't that when we most need some life hacks? When we're up to our eyeballs in stress, can't finish a to-do list item, let alone a list, without people crying for you? Screaming at each other? Making a mess? Letting the dog eat out of the trash, etc? For me it is, because when I'm stressed is when I function the least and want to yell the most. With all that explanation out of the way, let's start! This has led me to my favorite "hack," although none of them are really hacks persay, but moreso tips.
1) your kids will not want to hold your hand, sleep in your bed, even talk to you hardly in a few years. Your whole family will not remember the dust on the ceiling fan or the perfectness of tonight's lasagna, but they'll remember how you made them feel. Loved, warm, secure, protected, and hopefully fun-having. Enjoy the moments today because they won't necessarily be here tomorrow. I know this is easier said than done, especially amidst the chaos, but if you remind yourself of this when you're tempted to say no to the "can I sleep with you mommy?" question, you'll be happy you did. Even though you may not get much sleep lol.
2) make a plan. Plan your meals, grocery list, chore list, trips out to the store, and daily plans (to some extent). If you're more of a spontaneous person, like me, then maybe don't plan the day to day activities, you can play that by ear. But planning the things that don't need spontaneity helps tremendously on time usage. And at least plan out the parts of the day. For example 4-5 is my time to hang with the kids, help with homework, etc. At 5 (ish) I start making dinner. 6-7 is family time at the table. 7-8:30 is their time to take showers and play if it's not their turn, then 8:30-9:30 is tv in bed time, then lights off.
3) have a bedtime routine. And I don't mean story, bath, face moisturizer, bed. Think of what things trigger you the most, anxiety-wise, and make it a point to set yourself for success regarding those things, come tomorrow. For me, this means loading the dishwasher, picking out tomorrow's clothes, prepping and setting the coffee pot, and putting that load of laundry away. Tomorrow you'll thank me.
4) let the family help YOU. You do enough, you do it all. I know, we all know! I spent my whole mothering life doing everything for my kids, and man (as my kids would say, BRUH) do I regret it. I started having my kids do their chores, albeit easy ones, and not many...and it changed my life. I don't hover, they may have to redo it, but the satisfaction of knowing everyone isn't laying around while you slave, is enough to make up for it. Geez, even if YOU choose to redo the chore periodically, it still was a huge help, I bet.
5) this sort of piggy backs off of #4, but it's important enough to have its own point. You've got to learn to let go of control. Everything doesn't have to be perfectly done. Done at all is better than not during this time in our lives. When the kids are older, and they're all at work or sports or friends' houses, we can bring back the immaculate home we had before kids. But for now, don't need everything to be so. Cleaning, plans, meals, letting the kids learn to do it themselves...just let go. You'll thank me for this one too--especially Mamas with anxiety. I found out the other day that my daughter inherited the control freak gene from me, and I wish it weren't the case. Loss of control is my number one trigger, and my number one downfall in life.
6) speaking of anxiety, make your mental health a priority. I've had some significant challenges in my life and I didn't always take my own advice on this one. Until I had to. Once I began doing so, everything changes, all the way to the metaphoric storm clouds that used to hang over my head and don't any more. If you need them, take your meds! How would you feel if your adult daughter called you crying that she's so anxious and is having a hard time at home, but won't go see her mental health provider? You'd be beside yourself. Treat yourself like you want her to treat herself and she'll feel your love so much more than before. They all will.
7) make lists. I've got a list for groceries, chore charts, things to get, things to do, things to redo...you get my point. Now don't confuse, I might lose my list but eventually I'll find it. Ha. In all seriousness, I started keeping them on the fridge or in my phone. I think of myself as more old fashioned as it comes to these things, for example, I prefer a paper calendar to my phone, but...phone lists are a Game. Changer. Seriously.
8) I know it's hard to not feel guilty, but work smarter, not harder. Use some of that money your family earns, whether that's you, your partner, or both--and put it to good use. Hire a house keeper even if it's every 2 months they come. Order groceries to be delivered. It's so common now, it's affordable! Lots of places even don't charge at all (except a tip, please tip the shopper/driver) for new customers. Then switch. You see where I'm going with this. I don't need to say it.
9) if you eat out, do it smartly. Go to kids eat free Monday, or Tuesday, or Wednesday...or all the days! Just be sure you order the specific things that are discounted. Back when we went out to eat some, ha, we would go out to eat and my husband would order whatever was not on the sale menu. Ugh.
10) prioritize your partnership. Your relationship will very quickly fizzle out if you live for the kids and become parents. What do I mean? You are parents, you say? Well, obviously, but I'm first Eliza. A woman who is married and happens to have kids--and has wishes, desires, fears, goals, and needs. Take this how you want. Sexual or not, what I'm saying is, if you don't do this, there will come a day that your kids are SHOCKED you have a name, that you dated someone before their father (or other mother, whatever your situation is), that you got in trouble as a kid etc...because they think of you as their mom only. If you're not careful, that will seem to be true. You'll lose yourself.
10) this is another piggy-back of the previous point, but again, important (and different) enough to have its own point. Point #9 was more big picture theory focused. This point is more task focused. Point #10 will help you get to point #9. Go on date nights. Schedule them. Prioritize them. Date your spouse, have fun, enjoy each other, be silly, cause some trouble. God knows we do and it keeps us young and in love, I think. Take showers together. This is something I'd never done before my husband, but I swear I wouldn't have it any other way. He even washes my hair for me. :)
11) last but not least. Far from it, actually, I think this one's the most important. No matter your walk in life, financial situation, family situation, or work situation, you can focus on remaining positive. Keep in mind that there are few things in life we can actually control, but two that we can are attitude and effort. If you can say you thought positively and you did your best, there's no room for disappointment. In 2006 I made a shift in my outlook, a conscientious one, and I noticed a huge difference. Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it, but when you do (if you do), you will. I promise.
I hope my tidbits of info help. If you already do all these things, that's awesome. I wish I had started many of them much earlier than I did. Take care of each other, and of yourself.
Thanks for reading, y'all. Share with your friends if you enjoyed it. Lastly, put some of your mama hacks in the comments! I'd love to read what things you all do! Nighty night!
Mama Gnome, A.K.A. Eliza
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