Why is it that we save our best selves for people outside our homes? Do the benefits outweigh the risk?

Hey, y'all, how's it going--nice to see you! have you ever come home from a long day at work and almost right away gotten irritated at your husband, your kids, or someone equally close--and snapped at them? Causing tension for the next hour at least? I'm sure you have, we all have. Let me ask you a question, though, did you snap at people all day at work? Or were you nice, polite, even cheerful (even if you feel like a hangry zombie because the dog got you up 3949590 times last night)? you were likely at work what I like to call 'your best self.'

so why is it that we save our best selves for people at work, people you don't really know, people who aren't there for you in the middle of your parents' divorce or your grandma dying or your daughter not coming home for hours after curfew, causing you to be hysterical. No, they're not there for that, and they likely are the reason you're irritable by the end of the day. that lady that sits next to you chews her gum with her mouth open and sounds like a camel. the guy across the way thinks he's god's gift to women (he's not) and he talks loud enough that you think he may be talking to god. oh, and your boss, she calls you into her office every time you breath to get a status report. one would think that we would actually do things in the reverse--snap at our barely known annoying coworkers, and save our love, affection, and smiles for our most important people--our husbands, wives, parents, in laws, and kids.

part of the answer is easy. it's because we have to be nice at work. if we want to keep our job, not just that one in particular, but if we want to stay in the workforce, we need to be police, professional, and likeable. we're what Disney calls 'onstage' while we're at work, and we're ourselves when we're at home. but does that go too far? are we damaging our important relationships while we protect the surface relationships? I honestly feel like I am. I've struggled over the years with my mood. being bipolar, well, that's expected. nonetheless, the people i've most affected with my moods are the people who love me. my circle has gotten smaller and smaller--for this or that reason but I see it in my husband's eyes, and my kids', when I accidentally snap that someone left their shoes on the floor again for me to trip on. I would never talk to my coworkers that way. well, not never, but not regularly, anyway.

another way of looking at this is that we simply aren't our true selves in front of our coworkers, but we're able to be ourselves in front of our families. this is why we put on a fake smile even though we're so tired we're nauseous and our head is about to explode with pain and to-do lists. at home, we can admit that we don't feel well, we can grumble about it and lay down in our non matching pajamas with bed-head. but again, are we taking this too far? if this is the case, does that mean that our true selves are grumbling, complaining, snapping, and non-smiling? I would surely hope not. so why do we give the other us to strangers all the while repeatedly hurting the feelings of our most precious loved ones?

I don't know that anyone can truly answer the why behind this, but I can say that it's not the right way to be--and I for one, vow to work at not doing it anymore. now this isn't to say I won't have a bad day, one that I don't feel well or what have you, and it's not to say I won't put on a fake-it=till-i-make-it smile at work...

but I surely am not going to give my better self to strangers at the grocery store or coworkers that i'll never even see outside of work. my family deserves my best self--for you that may be someone else, of course. something happened today that just has me thinking...hug your loved ones tight tonight.

thanks for stopping by, y'all. until next time...

mama gnome, a.k.a. eliza