Hey, y'all, happy to have you with me. I started a new job today; a job that is amazing with amazing benefits and even more importantly, amazing people that I get to work with. I'm beyond thrilled! But as my first day has gone on, I can't help but think about all the ways I balance (or try to balance) my life between mom life, work, my business, and wife life. I always want to give my best, but as y'all know, sometimes that's easier said than done.
Morning madness: getting three kids and me to school and work on time. Until recently, this wasn't a problem. Not any more so than any other task that needs done in my chaotic life. Now that we've moved, though, and I started a new job...getting ready in the mornings will be tough. I used to start a bit later and now I won't have time to get the kids on the bus. My kids (at least the youngest) is still at an age where fighting over the shower and the teeth brushing seems to be fun. It's like he refuses/fights just to get a rise out of me! But you all know, right?! This is common, right?! Or is it just my kids?! One of the others, I won't name names, used to sit in the bathroom, with the shower running, so I would hear it and think he/she was taking a shower. I caught them so many times it's not funny.
So anyway I already get up at 4:30 to help my husband get ready for work and see him out the door. Then, if I were taking the kids to school, I'd have to get ready fast and take them super early (we don't live in the same town technically, even, where their schools are). Super duper early. Early enough that they'll all be cranky, well except one of them, my middle--he was always a happy little thing in the mornings. I don't get it. I need coffee, alot, before I'll even talk to you. LOL
Mom guilt vs dreams/goals. So you all know about the mom guilt. It's in everything we do, it's in the background, creeping along, watching, taunting, tormenting us. I wish I could spend every minute with my kids just enjoying them, but then who will get all the things done? There are the required things that NEED done, and then there's the not so necessary, but is necessary if I want to stay sane things. This, for me, includes Mama's Gnome Shop. Working on the shop brings me a sense of joy and calmness. But how do you balance the guilt with the things?
Afternoon chaos: Meetings & mommy duties. The after school hours aren't so bad for us. The oldest gets home before the others, so she can keep an eye on things until I and/or my husband gets home. He works 12s and the days alternate, so sometimes he's around, and sometimes not. When he is, he's a lifesaver. When he's not, it's okay, I get home by 6 or so--2 hours after my boys get off the bus. But then, you know, you've got homework, snuggles, showers, dinner, dishes, any other chores or fun things, and of course, bed. Bedtime I've always called, not so secretly, the bewitching hour. It's when everybody seems to lose their mind. Y'all know what I'm talking about, right?!
My self-care isn't selfish: managing a medical condition as a mom/employee/business owner. This one I'm not so good at. I need more practice, we'll say. I have vowed, recently, with this new job, to be better at taking me time. Certain things I stick to for the most part, like managing my medical condition. I just know that when I don't, I'm not nearly the mom that Lx3 deserve. It's easy to put the kids first, your partner too--and forget about your self a bit. Until a bit turns into a lot and you realize you haven't trimmed your hair in a year and a half. I've made myself certain self care rules that I try to stick to. Update coming after some time.
Hubs is the hero too: How Jan helps me balance life. I'm married to my best friend--in case you hadn't figured it out yet. My husband is the male version of me--which can at times be amazing and helpful. The other times, well, we'll get there later. For now just know that he keeps me sane, keeps my daughter and me from fighting, helps run people places and does other errands, unloads and carries things, reinforces mommy's "word" as law...so much. I'm grateful to him. I wish he knew it.
Mom fail moments: Laughing through my biggest mistakes. Boy, have I had some mom fails. Ask anyone who knows me. Part of this is because I have the worst memory of anyone I know (medical related). Part of it because I'm busy! Too busy! Unable to keep up, busy, most days. Recently I had the worst mom fail I've ever had, I think. I did the unthinkable, my worst nightmare when it comes to this kind of thing. I forgot about a kid's function at school. I was supposed to come to Shark Tank (yes, you read that right) during school one Monday--and I completely forgot. I will never forgive myself for that one, ever. Talk about mom guilt!
Weekends: Blurred lines between work and family time. As I've gotten older, weekends have gotten more important. Maybe it's because with my job, weekends and holidays have always been fair game for working. I've gotten tired of that as the years have gone by, so now I cherish my weekends and I plan out the time we have between chores and fun. And I don't beat myself up about it if I find I needed more chill weekend time than I thought, for example. That's one of the tips I would want to bestow upon whoever needs to hear it. Along with a few more...
Throughout the years, I've gathered a couple tips, as they relate to the points above:
1) Include them. All of them. In as much as possible. As long as it doesn't take away your sense of happiness (like if you really use a nail appointment for your alone time etc) then include them! I've included my family in Mama's Gnome Shop and I think they tolerate it a lot more because of it.
2) Push that mom guilt to the side. Guilt about what we have or haven't done isn't going to help shape us as mothers, nor is it going to help our kids in any way. My mom apologizes to us periodically, randomly, I assume when she's feeling bad about history, but it doesn't help me any after all these years. It is what it is, am I right?! Just do your best to enjoy the now.
3) Try to not be such a control-freak, if you are one. Try to let go, and tell yourself that if the schedule doesn't stick to the plan 100%, that's okay. What matters is what we'll remember in the future. The kids won't remember the details or the clock, but they'll remember those afternoons helping me cook or playing uno or watching a movie before bed (which, don't be confused, we almost never do. Too much energy in this bunch to sit still for a movie).
4) Use a planner. I don't care if you use paper or digital, or both--but use one. You may not have forgotten anything yet, but there's a first time for everything! The only caveat to using a planner, though, friends--is remembering to look at it. I have also forgotten, multiple times, events that were in my planner because I didn't look at my planner.
5) Take time for self care. You deserve it and you need it! Just remember, an unhealthy mommy can't do her job at home as well. The kids end up suffering if we don't take care of ourselves. Keep it in mind.
6) Make a chore chart. Along with using a planner, a chore chart has saved my life. Here's my extra tip: I put myself on the chore chart too. I actually just started doing that, but hey, if they're considering fussing about chores--mommy's working alongside you and she's got more chores than you! This past weekend was my first time with me being on the chore chart, and initially I thought there would be a backlash --but they had nothing to say. They did the chores!
7) Make it fun. Chores, work, shopping, showers, bed time, get ready in the morning time, all of it. If we can find a way to enjoy the mundane tasks in life, then we've accomplished everything that matters. What matters is that we're happy as a whole, mankind, right?!
8) Remember, all you can control are your attitude and effort. The rest is just nonsense.
Thanks for reading, y'all. Enjoy your people. Drop a comment about your tips for balancing life! I'd love to read them!
Mama Gnome, A.K.A. Eliza
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